~~heart vs love~~

hatiku berbunga-bunga..heeeeee...ske...(^-^)
let me tell you how the story begins..:P..
my love one is..my beloved dear boyfriend..
suddenly this feeling come..feel so much in love..
my friend has once said..when you are deeply in love how ugly the person is you will feel you are walking on the flower together..
at first i denied it..but...sebenarnye it is true..malu nak ngaku..hehehhehe..:-P

me n my love one..we went to the same matric (KMPK)..not just that we are in the same lecture..hehehhehe..but only on the second sem..he was on the other lecture during first sem..transfer to my lecture during second sem..logically, whenever there is new students came in 100% sure you will recognized that person and observed them carefully..hahaha..that's human..during that time few students transferred to my lecture include him..but he is the only guy..me and friends love to gossiping about our lecturemate..then when this one guy came in..omigod..unfortunately he is not handsome..sad..xbleh nak cuci-cuci mate..heeee..besides that he is kind of weird..maybe he is new..he is quite dependent on the others girls who also newly transferred..we postulated that he might be in love with either one of them..maybe..if not..why he will go to them at the back of the lecture hall whenever there was break between lecture?..nevermind..none of my bussiness i guess..:P

later when i was offered to further my study in UKM, the only person that i know from my matric was Dalila, we are from same group in the matric..i was like katak bawah tempurung during my matric time..i knew few person only..now i realized that there many of them from same matric as me which i do not know of..hahhaha...during the first year Dalila told me that there are few person that i might knew which came from same matric as us which are Fadhli (he was the Jawatankuasa Pelajar in the matric)----->sadly..ak xkenal pon..:-(..muahahha..then she said there is one more which the guy who is entered our lecture during second sem..that is him..so we are in the same university and course now..:-)..but nothing special feeling..just ignorance..

year gone by..on my second year i was transfered out to outside hostel..there is one guy add me on my friendster..that is him..ok..just approve..my coursemate..i am not sure whether he has wrote any comment or anything..

later a night before my osce exam which on my birthday..suddenly i recieved one message wish me gudluck for my exam..not just that..he told me his name as well..as he might expected that may not have his number..shocked to death..that is him...errr..why???..giler ape..layan je la kan..coursemate..he knows that my birthday is the osce day..
i am not sure whether we were in the same osce group or not..but i remember that he approached me after the osce finished and ask do i do well in the exam..errrkkkk..i dont know how to answer..malu..:-)..forgot what did i reply..but i have reply something and run away from him..nnt org buat cite plak..

from that moment, we are starting sms every night..until one day he ask me to be his special one..mengucap sepuluh kali mase tu..terkejut beruk..i dont know that he like me..he even did not show anything or told me anything about his feeling or anyhting related to it..besides..we are just getting to know each other for more than one month i guess..:P..so i said give me time to think..
actually deep in my heart i was stunted..it was like a dream..but..i like the word he use which unfortunately i has deleted the sms because it was full with all the bahasa sastera melayu..geli nk bace..tp suke..:P

everyone ask me..not everyone, whenever girls talk about men sometimes they ask how is my mr right that i wish for..

i usually said..i dont care about his face..xensem pon xpe..i do care bout his feeling..i want a gentlemen person and damnly honest to me..no lie!..because i was cheated once!!!!!!..i hate it so much till there was suicidal thought in my mind..it is difficult to recover..and i want my boyfreind later fullfill what i really want..honesty..i dont like guy who is really expert with their tongue..who is sweet tongue..because that type of guy can manipulate things easily..which means they will lie..i did told them that i hate those sms me to get to know me but did not mention their name or even put their other name..which is a lie as well..i dont like it..it is not honest..how handsome you are..but i will reject them.

back to the story of my love one..actually i never expect there is one person in the earth who will introduce himself at his first sms..he even told me where he got my number which no doubt i knew that person..he is truly honest and straight foward..he has fulfill the criteria that i need..but the thing is..he is the one i dont like during my matric time.eeerrrkkkk..
i keep in my mind that i have to get to know this person..my perception bout him last time might be wrong..:-)

so i tried to get to know him..he once asked me out for dinner..omigod..malunyeee nak pegi..he said i was allowed to bring one friend with which so do him..tp..malu laa..dh la kenal sms je..jumpe pon tunduk je kot..so i refuse it as i said i dont want to out with a men..deep inside jump out to say yes..but who i want to ask to accompany me..my room mate???..mati laa..diorg xtau pon pasal bdk ni..:-(..

few months later, i have decided to accept to be with him..sebab..sebab..he is damnly honest..i love it..i love to talk to him..it was like a soul medication..i wont feel stress..even though it is not related..but..he did not ask me about that anymore..malu la nk ty..mcm perigi cr timba je..:-(..

but on the 1st January 2008 i tried to told him that i want to be with him..but later he replied thank you..wow...xsangkenye..he said thank you..unexpected answer..:-)..i do remeber that date because it is difficult for me to raise my confidence to say that..but i dont know whether he did remember or not..i bet he dont..:-(..because..there are only few numbers he can remember..which is his phone number, my birthday, his...errr..few friends birthday..selamat my birthday die igt..:-)..

i started with zero..i dont have any feeling to him actually..i bet so do him..i dont knoe the truth..but i think so..because he is like a person with no heart..i love to talk to him..he will think differently from me..which is i found it interesting..all his opinion will opposite to me..he let my mind open to other side of world..;-)

on my third year we are transferred to HUKM..we are near but seldomly meet up..maybe once in a month..or even more than that..later we become more closer to each other until now..
one year ago he will ask me out for once a month..then once in 3week..later became once in 2weeks..now we are together every weekend..or even more than that..

whenever i think about it..i dont want to stop loving him..i like it soooo muchh..

last month my cousin getting engage..he ask me to get engage as well..the first thing came out from my mind is..IS HE SERIUS???..mcm xserius je..i ask is he really want to get engage..he said he really wanted to get engage and he is serius to do so..i dont know what to say..he ask me few time to meet my brother..tapiii..takutttt...nobody in my family know our relationship..i dont know how and where to start..beside, i have one sister who did not getting married yet or even single and available..

i do want to marry him..i really do..i want him for the rest of my life..love him so much..love you so much!!!!!!..